Coffee Break 6
God Help The Devil
The Pope, Billy Graham, and Oral Roberts were in a plane crash over the Atlantic.
Tragically, they all died and went to the pearly gates together.
"Oh, this is terrible," exclaims St. Peter, "I know you guys think we summoned you here, but this is just one of those coincidences that happen.
St. Peter was fretting, "Since we weren't expecting you, your quarters just aren't ready.
We can't take you in just yet and we can't send you back."
Then he got an idea. He picked up the phone, "Lucifer, this is Pete. Hey, I got these three guys up here. They're ours, but we weren't expecting them, and we gotta fix the place up for 'em. I was hoping you could put them up for a while. It'll only be a couple of days. I'll owe you one."
Reluctantly, the Devil agreed. BUT.....
Two days later...
"Pete, this is Lucifer. Hey you gotta come get these three clowns. This Pope is forgiving everybody, the Graham fellow is saving everybody, and Oral Roberts has raised enough money to buy air conditioning."
Weight Loss Instructions
Mr. Lee was terribly overweight, so his doctor put him in a diet;
"I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds."
When Mr. Lee returned, he shocked the doctor by losing nearly 60 pounds.
"Why, that's amazing!" the doctor said, "Did you follow my instructions?"
Mr. Lee nodded. "I'll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day."
"From hunger, you mean?"
"No, from skipping."
The Talking Clock
A man showed some friends his apartment.
One guest asked "What's that big brass basin for?"
"That's the talking clock," answered the man.
He gave it an ear shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, a voice on the other side of the wall screamed.............
"Knock it off ! Don't you know that it's 2 a.m., you idiot ?"
Black Eyed Jack
Jack was returning to work Monday morning with two black eyes.
His workmates were understandably curious: "Jack, what happened to you?!?"
"It was the darndest thing! I was at church yesterday, and this fat lady stood up in front of me. You know how a dress can get stuck in the crack of the butt of a fat lady? It looked funny. I figured she wouldn't like that, so I just reached over and pulled it out with a little tug. Next thing I know, she spins around and socks me one!"
"Jeez, you got TWO black eyes in one blow?"
"Naw. After she turned back around, I figured she was angry that I pulled the dress out of her crack -- so I tried to poke it back in..."
